what I learned about forgiveness
by interviewing Cassandra James-Weathersby
“I had to start forgiving those people or, eventually, fully understanding that they didn't know any better. They were literally doing the best that they could. And, I, at that time was doing the best I could. “
-Cassandra James-Weathersby
This week we will be posting a podcast episode featuring Cassandra James-Weathersby of Black Women DO Heal. I had started preparations for this episode, with the intention of diving deep into the topic of forgiveness. However, nothing I researched came close to the impact that Cassandra had with her message. Here are some highlights, in her own words.
On the organization she founded: Black Women DO Heal:
“We can even talk about some of the things that we go through just as Black women, from our hair to the things that we experienced being over-sexualized at a young age. We can talk about that, without feeling shame. “
On her healing practice of “Five Minutes to Feel”:
“It was born out of my own frustrations. Just having moments where I didn't have the time or the luxury to fall apart, like what I really wanted to do. Setting the timer and giving myself just a moment to get into what I was feeling was a game changer for me.”
On how to “cut-off your cut-off”:
“Are there toxic relationships, sometimes, where the other person isn't doing the work for themselves or isn't willing to acknowledge some things and maybe for your own mental wellness, your own sobriety, your own recovery or peace, you might have to distance yourself from a certain individual? Yes, that is true. But, that is a healthy boundary. There's a difference between that and cutting somebody off—you are making an executive decision to remove this person out of your life.”
On forgiving, not forgetting…….
“So when it comes up, we can just say I forgive you again. It does happen more so on a continuum, instead of this idea that forgiveness is just a one and done. It doesn’t mean that it's an invalidation of what happened. What happened is valid. Whether we were the person that was victimized, or if we were the person that was hurt. Or, even when we play the villain in somebody else's story. The experiences are valid. They happened, and it's okay."
On coming into her own awareness about the impact of racial injustice:
“When you start to come into the awareness that so many of these things overlap, and are rooted in systemic oppression and racism—as a person who was raised to love your country, to love your state and to love all people—it is the most heartbreaking thing.”
On discovering the “illusion of help” that our system provides:
“This is when I had to start to engage with some of these systems of help and realized that help was not what it seemed. That it was stressful, and it was overwhelming and it was hard to navigate. I learned that you had to be ‘super on it’ and that you were automatically assumed to be lying.”
On stages of anger and acceptance :
“There are so many programs that put a BandAid on a gunshot wound. When you start to recognize that, it can be heartbreaking. You were right, there is anger, because it went from shock and awareness to hurt. And then…comes acceptance and just, being peaceful about it. When I say peaceful, I don't mean accepting that this is just the way it is and that we don't have to change anything—just an acceptance that this is the state that we're in.”
About Cassandra James-Weathersby
Cassandra is a mental health advocate and champion for women's healing. After surviving from her own struggles with mental health, trauma and domestic violence, Cassandra realized all the conversations that were NOT being had, that we're also continuing to perpetuate trauma in her community. With God's guidance in 2019, she launched Black Women DO Heal and began to facilitate the tough conversations. Cassandra is a certified recovery coach, professional business owner, trainer, facilitator and mom of three grown Rugrats.
