A Loving Holiday Guide for Those Who Don’t Love the Holidays
Let’s just say it out loud:
For some, this season is joyful.
For others, it’s grieving.
For many, it’s complicated.
The truth is simple: there is no “right” way to feel during the holidays.
If this time of year brings stress, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, or the urge to disappear until January… you are not broken. You are not failing. And you are absolutely not alone.
You’re human.
You Don’t Have to Love the Holidays
Holiday culture often expects us to smile, celebrate, and show up with gratitude and energy—even when that’s not our reality.
And especially for people navigating mental health challenges, grief, trauma, family dynamics, or recovery, this season can come with emotional landmines.
So here is your reminder:
✨ You don’t need to perform happiness.
✨ You don’t need to earn your place at the table.
✨ You don’t need to push through pain silently.
✨ You don’t owe anyone a version of the holiday that costs you your stability.
Protect your peace.
Protect your progress.
Protect your heart.
Your mental well-being is more important than a date on the calendar.
Preparing for the Season
Here are some journal prompts for grounding, awareness, and emotional self-protection during the holidays:
1. What are my conscious expectations going into this holiday?
2. What is the subconscious story I carry about the holidays?
This includes the fantasy, the messaging, the “shoulds” I absorbed from movies, family, or culture?
3. What am I truly grateful for?
Not performative gratitude—real, grounded, honest gratitude.
4. Where am I still holding resentment or pain?
How might that show up emotionally, mentally, or physically?
5. What parts of past holidays were especially triggering?
Are any of those still part of my life—and how can I prepare differently?
6. How will I make space for what I actually feel, instead of what I’m “supposed” to feel?
7. What can I say no to?
What traditions, events, or roles put my wellbeing at risk?
8. What is my plan, and who are my lifelines?
Who are the safe people I can call or text?
Where can I go if I need space, grounding, or community?
Holiday Self-Care Checklist
Use this as a grounding tool before and during the holidays:
☐ Set realistic expectations for yourself
☐ Choose one thing you genuinely want to participate in
☐ Say no to something that drains you
☐ Build in downtime (rest is a plan, not a failure)
☐ Pack or prepare comfort items: snacks, water, journal, grounding tools
☐ Plan your exit strategy: how and when you can leave, if needed
☐ Schedule a check-in with a safe person before and after events
☐ Eat enough, sleep enough, hydrate enough (basics matter)
☐ Practice one act of kindness—to yourself or someone else
However You Feel Is Valid
If this season feels heavy, bittersweet, lonely, overwhelming, or emotionally confusing—there is nothing “wrong” with you.
You don’t have to love the holidays.
You don’t have to force joy.
You don’t have to prove anything.
Take care of yourself first.
Your heart matters more than tradition.
Your mental health matters more than appearances.
About the Author
DeAnn is a therapist (ACMHC) at Resolutions Counseling Center in Bountiful, Utah, and a graduate of the Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies. DeAnn uses trauma-informed care, EMDR, and narrative work to support individuals as they build a sustainable life in long-term recovery. She is also the Co-Founder of Show Up and Stay, a sober-positive workplace initiative, and host of the Recovery Discovery podcast.
